Mariela’s Sunday Thoughts: One

One of the many things I love about Sandpoint is its strong sense of community.

Long before I would even knew I’d end up moving here, I would grab a copy of the local newspapers and magazines every time I’d visit and just read about the small town life: stories of locals celebrating different milestones, silly issues that in a big city would absolutely go unnoticed but here took the front page, entire articles about a mundane topic that involved the whole town. Nothing felt too small, everything had the opportunity to be seen. My preferred spot to do this was what’s, in my opinion, the epitome of Sandpoint community life: good ol’ Evans Brothers.

Even though I can’t have their coffee (too strong for this Argentinian heart), I love going there, having a matcha, and proceed to leisurely people-watch, read about the local news and opinions, and look at their rotating art. I love their laid-back ambiance, how casual yet intentional every meeting there feels (even for those sitting alone), and their open invitation to pause, have a cup of something, and be present. What other businesses see as loitering, Evan’s Brothers see as time well spent: a moment to take a break, observe, and connect.

Last week we walked together to promote awareness for metal wellbeing. My new friend Kerry (owner of Sandpoint Hot Yoga - check out her classes!) told me about this back in June when Grounded was opening and we were brainstorming ways to build community, work together, and power each other up.

NAMI is an organization that brings mental health resources to the community. In a way, I see NAMI and what they do as a tool that pairs perfectly with yoga: Yoga invites us to look inward and identify where we’re at. NAMI gives us the tools and support to deal with whatever yoga taught us.

Lots of people showed up at this event. There were hugs and conversations all around. We made signs, shared stories, acknowledged everyone, and then we simply walked together - a rather literal way to show each other that we are never alone.

A few nights ago I went to a concert at the Panida and the opener singer (Nolan Tyler, amazing voice - check him out) talked a bit about his struggle with mental health before playing a song he had written at a moment of his life when he was considering to end it all. When he finished playing it, he thanked us for listening and said “it’s important that we are all here”.

That phrase stayed with me. By saying “…that we are all here”, he implied a sense of unity; the same as NAMI promotes, the same as Kerry and I built our foundation on. Rather than focussing on the individuality of each person’s life, we are reminding people of the connection we all have.

Yoga teaches us about the concept of Maitri: the unconditional friendliness, benevolence, or active goodwill toward others. Once we get to understand others, we can understand ourselves (and vice versa). This invites us into an endless loop of observation and self-discovery fueled by curiosity, humility, openness, and compassion. It’s a life-long journey we are all invited to go on. Eventually, practicing seeing good within ourselves will lead us to seeing good in others and focus our attention there.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not an invitation to completely drop our moral standards. It is an invitation to humanize everyone and nourish our mental health by seeing the positive. Not everyone is good, but everyone has some good in them - and that’s what yoga invites us to focus on.

A few years ago I made up this little mental exercise for when I caught myself thinking negatively about someone. The first time the idea popped up was when I was driving and someone cut me off and then dumped a bunch of black smoke. It was a very stereotypical Idaho situation: giant truck, hateful bumper stickers, divisive flags, no apology or acknowledgement of the situation. I immediately started thinking bad things about them. I caught myself making up an entire story about the kind of person they probably were. And that’s when it hit me: just as I could be guessing all the negative characteristics of this individual, I could be guessing positive ones. So I told myself: “they probably play with their kid every day”.

I kept this mental exercise with me, and I have told myself hundreds of stories since then: “they’ll probably cook dinner for their partner tonight”, “they probably have a beautiful garden they care for daily”, “they probably love their dog”. I have to admit, though, it is way easier to make up this stories when I’m thinking of strangers: the good stories are just as easy as the bad ones, so it’s a simple swap. Once we know the person, it is far more challenging to see the good in them after they hurt us. Thankfully, we are all yogis.

Pratipaksha-bhavana is the practice of intentionally replacing a harmful, self-centered, or negative thought with its positive, outward-caring opposite (such as shifting from anger to kindness or judgment to empathy). It requires the bravery to call ourselves out whenever we’re having negative thoughts, the humility to admit we fell victims of Maya (the distractions), and the will power to turn the moment into a yoga exercise.

What I love about this practice is that it has the inevitable byproduct of showing us a beautiful world around us. We get to see goodness, kindness, generosity, company, joy. And, after a while, we get to understand how important it is that we are all here.

Steal my trick: practice Pratipaksha-bhavana daily

if you catch yourself focusing on a negative aspect (either yours or someone else’s), shift your attention to one positive characteristic instead.

A Yoga pose to connect with maitri: Salamba Bhujangasana (sphinx pose):

Find a quiet spot and set a timer for three minutes. Lay down on your belly on a flat surface, maybe with a blanket underneath your hips. Place your forearms on the ground (or mat), aligning the elbows either right underneath the sholvers or a bit further forward than that. Hands press down, neck is long, thighs soften, toes untuck, legs are long, knees unlock. Close your eyes, open your heart, breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Maybe think of the color green.