Mariela’s Sunday thoughts: Fear

What an uncomfortable (and necessary) place to explore. Fear, when observed with detachment, gives us the opportunity to have perspective as we look at different scenarios or outcomes.

Yoga teaches us about Satya. In a literal sense of the word, Satya is truthfulness: yoga asks us to only speak, embody, and represent that what is true. However, as it often happens, Satya is yet another paradigmatic yogic lesson.

As I was thinking about Satya, it dawned on my that yoga begins with awareness: we observe our current state, without judgement.

My current state is, unfortunately, one of fear. And, as such, one full of hypothetical scenarios, giving little to no room to Satya - unless Satya is simply my quite convoluted present moment.

Gotta love the paradoxes in Yoga. Satya is truth, truth is total awareness of the present state, but my present state is simply a bunch of hypothetical scenarios. Therefore, Satya is in fact those hypothetical scenarios.

Luckily, Yoga usually has answers to those paradoxes.

New Age philosophy popularized “being impeccable with our words”, and mislabeled that action as Satya. Side note - that is why I would never recommend the book The Four Agreements (unless you want to learn about how to completely avoid any and all yoga teachings and bathe yourself in unaccountability disguised as enlightenment, but I digress).

Truthfulness is acceptance of who we are at the moment of observation, even if what we are embodying at that very moment is a made-up situation that results in fear. By observing the fear and recognizing it, we are practicing Yoga, and we are embodying Satya the moment we accept this is our current state.

“Being impeccable with our words” strips us from a deeper practice. It steers us away of a possible learning moment. It is, by definition, a distraction. If we do not recognize what we are feeling (in this case, fear) in hopes of not bringing anything “negative” to our attention, we are actually practicing the opposite of Satya, the opposite of Yoga even: we are being held, surrounded, and seduced by Maya (distraction - as far away from the truth as one can possibly get).

So, yes: I’m feeling fearful right now and my mind is full of “what ifs".

What if I’m not doing enough to help Grounded grow?

What if people start cancelling their memberships?

What if no new students join?

What if I fail?

The rational thing to do here is to look at reality:

-Grounded has been consistently growing since we opened

-As of day 6, we broke even (operations expenses, not renovations and initial investment)

-We are scheduled to keep braking even

-I managed to live up to the promise I made the teachers when I invited them to be part of it: if the studio grows, you grow: every teacher got a 7.15% per class pay raise on the day we turned 1 month old, making Grounded one of the (if not the) best-paying studio in town

Unfortunately, rational reality is not always the reality we observe when we truly practice Yoga.

We cannot stop fear. But we can experience it deeply and recognize it for what it is. It comprises a set of physical sensations accompanied by a mental narrative. Seeing it in such a way allows us to maintain a distance from it, and creates a space for it to dissipate.

Yoga is about sitting with discomfort and finding peace within it. I can only hope to be brave enough to try.

In the meantime, I’ll keep exploring my vulnerability.

A simple journaling (or thought/meditation) prompt to bring attention to ahimsa:

• Morning: write about (or visualize) something you are afraid of. Picture yourself (or write a description of yourself) going through it with an open heart. Speak to it: “hello my fear, I’m going to take good care of you”.

• Evening: write (or think) about how that fear did not manifest. And, if it did, write (or think) about how you made it through.